This blog will cover what anger is and what we can do to help reduce anger or deal with anger better. 
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​Anger is a complex and natural human emotion that can show in response to a perceived threat, frustration, injustice, or any situation where someone feels their boundaries have been broken. It is a normal emotion from the above situations but anger can vary in intensity from mild irritation to intense rage.

We all can experience anger at those different levels but it can become an issue and what may be accepted or not be accepted in society, friendships or relationships.

Several changes come with the experience of anger. The body can go into "fight or flight" response. This can then induce stress hormones like adrenaline, increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and tense muscles. Emotionally, anger can range from a temporary annoyance to a deep-seated and long-lasting resentment.

Anger can help with:

• Alerting us to situations that might be harmful
• Motivating us to address perceived injustices
• Or signalling that our needs or boundaries are not being respected

If anger is not ‘managed’ effectively it can lead to destructive behaviours or it can negatively impact our own well-being and relationships.
We can express anger in a healthy or destructive way.

Healthy examples involve acknowledging and expressing anger in a way that is:

• Assertive, non-violent, and constructive.

Destructive anger can involve:

• Aggression, violence, or chronic resentment.

These can have negative outcomes for both the person experiencing anger and those around them.
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Anger is a complex emotion, and its triggers can vary from person to person. Understanding why you, specifically, may experience anger involves examining various factors, both internally and externally.

Below are some common reasons why people may experience anger:
Perceived Threat or Injustice: Anger can arise when you feel threatened or believe that an injustice has occurred. This could be a real or perceived violation of your rights, values, or boundaries. For instance, if someone continues to cross boundaries even though we have stated what the boundary is.

Frustration: You may come up against obstacles, delays, or challenges that delay your progress or goals, frustration can escalate into anger. This may happen when things don't go as planned or when you feel helpless in a situation. We may see this quite a lot as maybe our work or life has challenges that can affect the next thing.

Unmet Expectations: Anger can stem from expectations that are not met, either by yourself or others. Unrealistic expectations or repeated disappointments can lead to frustration and anger.

Feeling Disrespected: If you perceive that someone is disrespecting you or undermining your worth, it can trigger anger. This might include feeling ignored, dismissed, or treated unfairly.

Lack of Control: Feeling a lack of control over a situation or your own emotions can contribute to anger. This loss of control may be related to external situations or internal factors.

Pain or Hurt: Sometimes, anger can be a response to underlying emotional pain or hurt. Instead of expressing vulnerability, we may default to anger as a defence mechanism.

Fear: Anger can be a secondary emotion masking underlying feelings of fear or insecurity. It may serve as a way to assert control or protect oneself in the face of perceived threats.

Stress: High levels of stress can lower your tolerance for frustration, making you more prone to anger. Stressors from various aspects of life can accumulate and contribute to heightened emotional reactions.

Learned Behaviour: Growing up in an environment where anger was expressed regularly or aggressively can influence your own patterns of expressing anger. It may be a learned response from childhood.

Biological Factors: Some individuals may be more predisposed to experience intense emotions, including anger, due to genetic or neurobiological factors.

It's important to recognise that experiencing anger is a natural part of being human. The key is to learn how to ‘manage’ and express it in a healthy way. Reflecting on the specific situations, triggers, and underlying emotions linked with your anger can provide helpful insights into why it appears and help you develop effective coping strategies. If you find that anger is significantly impacting your life, seeking support from counselling for anger can be beneficial.
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Several psychological theories provide insights into the origins and dynamics of anger. These theories help us understand why anger occurs, how it develops, and how it can be managed.

Here are some prominent theories around anger:
Evolutionary Theory: Evolutionary psychologists propose that anger has evolved as an adaptive response to threats. The "fight or flight" response, triggered by anger, may have provided survival advantages in ancestral environments. Anger may have functioned as a mechanism to confront challenges and protect ourselves or our group.

Cognitive-Behavioural Theory: According to cognitive-behavioural theorists, anger is often a result of distorted thinking patterns. Cognitive errors, such as overgeneralisation, magnification, or personalisation, can contribute to the perception of threats or injustices, leading to an angry response. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) aims to identify and change these patterns to manage anger more effectively.

Psychoanalytic Theory: Sigmund Freud implied that anger is a natural and instinctive response to frustration. He suggested that unmet needs and unresolved conflicts from childhood could contribute to the development of chronic anger. Psychoanalytic approaches explore the unconscious mind and early experiences to understand and address anger issues.

Social Learning Theory: Social learning theory suggests that individuals learn to express and manage anger by observing others, particularly significant figures in their lives. These can include family members, people in authority or other people in our lives. Modelling, reinforcement, and punishment shape how people express anger based on the behaviours they have witnessed and the consequences associated with those behaviours.

Attachment Theory: Attachment theorists, such as John Bowlby, suggest that early attachment experiences influence emotional regulation, including anger. Secure attachments in childhood can contribute to healthier emotional expression, while insecure attachments may lead to difficulties in managing and expressing anger later in life.

Arousal Theory: Arousal theory proposes that anger is a result of increased physiological arousal. When individuals experience heightened physiological arousal due to stressors or threats, they are more likely to interpret situations as anger-inducing. Managing arousal levels through relaxation techniques can be an effective strategy for anger management.

Appraisal Theory: Appraisal theories emphasise the role of cognitive appraisal in the experience of anger. In a simple way an assessment of an emotional situation wherein a person evaluates how the event will affect them, interprets the various aspects of the event, and arrives at a response based on that interpretation. According to this perspective, individuals evaluate events or situations based on their relevance to personal goals and values. When these events are perceived as hindering their goals or damaging their values, anger may be the outcome.

Dual-Process Models: Dual-process models propose that anger involves both automatic, instinctive reactions and controlled, cognitive processes. Automatic processes may involve quick, impulsive responses, while controlled processes allow for more reasoned and thoughtful reactions. Balancing these processes is crucial for effective anger management.

It can be good to have some understanding of these theories above. While these theories offer valuable insights, it's important to understand that individual experiences with anger are highly complex and may involve a combination of these influences. 
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Reducing anger involves adopting a combination of preventive strategies and coping mechanisms to manage the emotion effectively. Anger management involves recognising and understanding our own anger, learning to express it in a healthy manner, and developing coping strategies to prevent it from escalating into harmful behaviours. Effective anger management often involves a tailored approach that considers the unique characteristics and context of each person's experiences with anger.
 
Here are some practical steps to help you reduce and manage your anger:
Self-Awareness: Pay attention to the early signs of anger, such as physical tension, increased heart rate, or irritability. Being aware of your anger allows you to intervene before it escalates. With counselling sessions we can learn how to be more self-aware and experiencing it with a therapist can help us understand our responses more.

Identify Triggers: Recognise specific situations, people, or events that trigger your anger. Understanding your triggers can help you prepare and respond more thoughtfully.

Take a Timeout: When you feel anger rising, give yourself a break. Step away from the situation to cool down and collect your thoughts before reacting.

Practice Deep Breathing: Engage in deep, slow breathing to calm your nervous system. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth.

Count to Ten: Before responding to a situation that angers you, slowly count to ten in your head. This simple technique can provide a brief pause to help you collect your thoughts.

Use Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more balanced and positive affirmations. This can help shift your perspective and reduce the intensity of your anger. This is where counselling can help us focus on different or positive thoughts.

Exercise Regularly: Incorporate regular physical activity into your routine. Exercise is a powerful way to release built-up tension and reduce stress, contributing to overall emotional well-being.

Express Yourself Calmly: When ready to discuss the issue that triggered your anger, express yourself calmly and assertively. Use "I" statements to communicate your feelings without blaming others.

Seek Solutions: Instead of focusing on blame, concentrate on finding solutions to the issues that provoke your anger. Problem-solving can be more constructive than dwelling on negative emotions.

Practice Relaxation Techniques: Experiment with relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, or meditation to calm your mind and body.

Healthy Outlets: Engage in activities that provide a healthy outlet for anger.

Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings about the situation that made you angry. This can help you gain perspective and identify patterns in your reactions.

Use Humour: Find humour in the situation without belittling or minimising it. Humour can help shift your perspective and diffuse tension.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness techniques or meditation to stay present and focused. This can help you avoid dwelling on past grievances or worrying about the future.

Visualisation: Picture a calming and peaceful scene in your mind. Visualisation can help reduce stress and redirect your focus away from anger.
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​Anger is often considered a secondary emotion, meaning that it can mask or be a response to underlying primary emotions. Understanding what is beneath the surface of anger involves exploring these primary emotions that may contribute to or be hidden by anger.

Here are some common emotions that can be underneath the emotion of anger:
Fear: Anger can sometimes serve as a defence mechanism against feelings of vulnerability or fear. When people feel threatened, they may respond with anger as a way to regain a sense of control or protect themselves.

Hurt or Sadness: Anger can be a way of masking deeper feelings of hurt or sadness. Some individuals find it easier to express anger than to acknowledge and communicate feelings of vulnerability.

Frustration: Underlying feelings of frustration, whether related to unmet needs or blocked goals, can manifest as anger. Addressing the source of frustration can help manage anger more effectively.

Disappointment: Anger may arise as a reaction to perceived let downs or disappointments. It can be an expression of frustration when expectations are not met.

Insecurity: Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity can contribute to anger. Expressing anger may be an attempt to assert dominance or protect oneself from perceived threats to self-esteem.

Powerlessness: When individuals feel powerless or unable to control a situation, anger may emerge as an attempt to regain a sense of power or control.

Grief: Anger is a common component of the grieving process. It can arise in response to loss, whether it be the loss of a loved one, a job, or an important life opportunity.

Shame: Feelings of shame or humiliation can be masked by anger. Expressing anger may be an attempt to deflect attention from one's perceived shortcomings.

Jealousy: Anger can be linked to feelings of jealousy or envy, especially when comparing oneself to others or perceiving unfair treatment.

Betrayal: Anger can result from feelings of betrayal, whether real or perceived. It may be a response to breaches of trust or unmet expectations in relationships.

Anxiety: Chronic anxiety or worry can contribute to anger as individuals may become irritable or agitated due to heightened stress levels.

Unresolved Trauma: Individuals who have experienced trauma may use anger as a way to cope with the intense emotions associated with their past experiences.

Understanding the underlying emotions beneath anger is a crucial step in effectively managing and expressing this complex emotion. It allows individuals to address the root causes of their anger, leading to healthier emotional responses and improved interpersonal relationships. Therapy or counselling can provide a supportive environment for exploring these underlying emotions and developing coping strategies.
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​Counselling for anger often referred to as anger management therapy, can be a valuable and effective way to address issues related to anger and learn healthier ways to express and manage this emotion.

Here are some aspects of counselling for anger management: 
Skill-Building: Anger management therapy often involves teaching specific skills to cope with anger. This may include deep breathing exercises, assertiveness training, effective communication strategies, and relaxation techniques.

Cognitive Restructuring: Therapists may help you identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to anger. By restructuring these thoughts, you can change your perception of situations and reduce the emotional intensity of your responses.

Exploring Triggers: Therapy provides a safe space to explore the triggers of your anger. Understanding the underlying causes can be crucial for developing effective strategies to manage and respond to these triggers.

Communication Skills: Learning effective communication skills is often a key component of anger management therapy. This includes expressing your needs, feelings, and concerns in a clear and assertive manner without resorting to aggression.

Problem-Solving: Therapists can assist you in developing problem-solving skills to address the root causes of your anger. This may involve finding constructive solutions to conflicts and stressors in your life.

Exploring Emotional Undercurrents: Anger can sometimes mask other emotions, such as fear, sadness, or frustration. Therapy can help you explore and understand these underlying emotions, contributing to more comprehensive anger management.

Role-Playing: Engaging in role-playing scenarios allows you to practice new skills in a safe environment. This can enhance your ability to apply these skills in real-life situations.

Behavioural Strategies: Therapists may work with you to develop and reinforce positive behaviours while discouraging destructive patterns associated with anger.

Homework Assignments: Therapists may provide assignments or exercises to be completed outside of sessions. These assignments are designed to reinforce skills learned in therapy and promote ongoing self-awareness and improvement.
 
Anger is a complex emotion, but by peeling back its layers and understanding its roots, we gain the power to transform it into a force for positive change. Through self-awareness, mindfulness, and effective communication, we can navigate the challenges of anger, fostering emotional well-being and healthier relationships. Remember, the journey to managing anger is a process, and with time and commitment, we can cultivate a more balanced and harmonious emotional life.
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If you or someone you know would benefit from counselling for their anger then please do get in touch for a consultation or conversation.
You can contact me
on the phone 075555 97 600,
by email [email protected]
​or contact me through my website. 

We may have never had anything wrong with us before but then start to get physical sensations that occur and they might come from nowhere.
We may have been dealing with things fine and suddenly our body is having a reaction to something or we are feeling overwhelmed by emotions or physical symptoms and we don’t know why.

We may have started having such strong physical symptoms that we think there must be something wrong with us and think we might be dying because of what we are feeling physically.
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Physical symptoms and panic attacks can be worrying and scary because we may not know what it is or why this has started. We may not think we are stressed, or know that we are stressed, or think that we have been dealing with the stresses quite well up until now.

I always say to people we definitely need to get things checked out with our doctor (General Practitioner) or if it feels a lot more serious at the time is to either consult emergency services or go to the hospital to rule out anything that could be more serious. Some of the symptoms we might experience could be anxiety/panic attacks but it could also be something that a medical professional needs to diagnose and treat.
This is because the symptoms we might experience also can identify other conditions that may need to be treated by medication. I think that is one of the worries we may have sometimes when we start to experience the symptoms, not knowing what is causing this and I didn’t have this before.

It was one of the main reasons I became a counsellor was due to having physical symptoms from my body. Sometimes it was low-level symptoms and I could go about my day and work and it would affect me but I could still do my job. Other days I would be on the floor from the symptoms and just not able to get up at all and then other days would be somewhere on the spectrum between those places. There would even be some days where I wouldn’t feel the effects of the physical symptoms at all. Those days would be great because I could do whatever I needed to do and not feel the effects but sometimes I would worry if something was just going to come on and not know when or if.

There are so many symptoms we might experience while feeling them physically and I want to say it is all individual and you or someone you may know may have other things that are on the below list.  
Dizziness / Tiredness / a noticeably strong, fast or irregular heartbeat (palpitations) / muscle aches and tension / chest pain / trembling or shaking / dry mouth / excessive sweating / hot flushes / chills / shortness of breath / a choking sensation / stomach ache / a churning stomach / feeling sick / headache / pins and needles / difficulty falling or staying asleep / a tingling in your fingers / feeling like you're not connected to your body

​Panic attacks may have similar symptoms but may be more intense. It may last for a short period of time or even longer in some cases. We may feel a fear, apprehension and anxiety in these moments. Some people may experience them once or twice a month and some may experience them several times a week.
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There might be a build-up to the attack or they may just come out of nowhere so we might know why we are experiencing them or may be confused about why this might be happening to us. A panic attack definitely can feel very frightening and distressing.
Sometimes the hard things around physical symptoms and panic attacks can be what other people are thinking about us. Whether it is the thoughts that others think we are making it up or the embarrassment of what symptoms we are showing and not being able to change them or reduce them and then other people seeing us like that. This can sometimes increase the symptoms of the panic attacks or anxiety and just because we are used to having them so we think it is just going to happen again. I know I would feel worried that a panic attack was going to come on sometimes because I had something in the diary that could cause a panic attack. I would also worry that people I knew or worked with couldn’t understand why or even felt like people didn’t believe me and sometimes it would be hard to prove due to the symptoms.

As I mentioned my panic attacks I had years ago is what started me out into becoming a counsellor and helping others. I started getting them when there was a lot going on in my home life and in my work life and I thought I was able to deal with everything and just keep going. I could usually deal with stresses but at this time there were multiple stress factors some small some big and I was trying to deal with them all because I would have been able to before. I think I would have been able to deal with a couple of big stress factors but because there were multiple then my mind and body wasn’t coping. I wasn’t listening to it then.

There were moments with my physical symptoms that they would be so extreme I really thought I was dying. I remember times when I would get up in the night and thought I was dying needed to use the toilet and just collapsed on the way there. Other times the pains and symptoms were so bad I had to get an ambulance and other times I actually needed to go to the hospital to rule out anything. Looking back at it now after a while and maybe some reassurance my body would stop reacting physically and it would subside but I would feel physically and mentally exhausted from it.
I wasn’t able to go to work for a period of time and so there were multiple stresses and anxiety that came from that.

What do others think? Am I going to be able to get back to work? Are they missing something? Is there something wrong with me?  
When we are going through it I think we will think these things and maybe other questions.

What eventually helped me was going to see a counsellor and talking about it. I didn’t think it was going to work but I was in a place where I had tried everything else and the doctors are saying there is nothing physically wrong with me. They would say it is anxiety and stress related. I didn’t believe them at the time, I couldn’t understand how stress and anxiety could do this to my body.

I had some counselling and it started to reduce my symptoms and my panic attacks started to get a lot less and further between them. I eventually was then able to go back to work as well. It wasn’t like a magic pill that changed it although sometimes medication from the GP can help some people reduce symptoms while having talking therapies. Once we feel we are in a better place with counselling we can always consult our doctor in reducing or coming off the medication completely.

For me I very rarely get panic attacks now. I can’t remember the last time I had one. I sometimes get physical symptoms which I now see as my body as just trying to make me aware of something I may have not noticed. With counselling over time it has allowed me and taught me to listen to my body a bit more. How I have experienced physical symptoms has taught me that if I don’t listen to my feelings then they will present in my body as a physical symptom to make me aware that something is there.

If I don’t take notice of that physical symptom then the physical symptom will get louder and become more painful or produce another symptom to try and get my attention. If I ignore that or try and ignore that then it will ‘shout’ even louder. If I then ignore that then I could find myself flat on the ground where my body is trying to say to me you need to stop and take notice. I think looking back at it now my body back then was going you need to take a break and stop trying to do things otherwise I am going to make you physically collapse.

So for me it was a build-up and I didn’t notice it because I just thought I was a machine and I can deal with it.

As I mentioned we might need someone going alongside us like a counsellor to hear how it is and help us to start to listen to the signals in our body and eventually, they get less and less and we start to hear our feelings before they become something bigger.

I suppose it is a bit like those senses we have in our cars or in our homes sometimes. We will get the warning lights about things like we need to service the car, or we need to top up the oil, or check the tyres, or check something else with the engine. If we ignore them then maybe another sensor comes on like the orange engine light. If we ignore that for long enough and don’t do anything then the red engine light might come on. If we then ignore that then the car may stop completely and so we definitely have to listen to it because we then need to find out what the warning lights were trying to tell us. A bit like when I was collapsing some days with my physical symptoms.

I hope you have found this information useful and you can relate to some of the things discussed above. Physical symptoms can definitely reduce in some way, I didn’t think they would when I was experiencing them myself but I can say now that they definitely do with help and support.

If you or someone you know are experiencing physical symptoms or panic attacks and feel some counselling would help them manage it better then please do get in touch and we can have a conversation or a consultation.

You can contact me
by phoning 075555 97 600,
​email [email protected] or through my website. ​

I have written this around Grief, Loss and Bereavement as we all experience some kind of loss at stages through our lives and sometimes we need support around it.
I know I have been through lots of different losses and sought my own counselling and support for some of them.
Depending on the type of loss I have gone through there have been times when I have been able to cope, experience the feelings and process the loss with friends and family around. Other times that just wasn’t enough and needed my own space and time with someone not connected to me or the person I have lost. It enabled me to be able to be as open as I could and no need to worry about what the other person was going to say or have their own feelings affected from my true thoughts and feelings due to the losses. This meant for me that I could move through the grief and feelings with someone alongside me rather than to try and do it on my own and make sense of the feelings. It also helped to reduce the feelings of guilt to some of the feelings and thoughts I had around losing someone or something.
Some of the below information you might have read before but you might also gain some  insight to other information around grief as I have tried to include some useful parts of grief that can happen and can help us move through grief. 

​Grief is a natural and complex emotional response to loss. It is the intense sorrow, deep distress, and emotional suffering that individuals experience when they lose someone or something significant to them. While we often associate grief with the death of a loved one, it can also be triggered by other types of losses, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or a major life change.
Grief is a highly individual process, and people may experience it in different ways. The grieving process can encompass a range of emotions.

​Bereavement refers to the period of grief and mourning after the death of a loved one. It is the state of having suffered a loss, particularly through death. Bereavement encompasses the complex range of emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that individuals experience as they cope with the reality of the death and its aftermath.
Bereavement can also involve practical aspects such as making funeral arrangements, dealing with legal matters, and adjusting to the changes in daily life that result from the loss. Additionally, individuals may grapple with existential and spiritual questions as they come to terms with the meaning and impact of the death.

​Loss refers to the experience of being deprived of something or someone valuable or significant. It can take various forms and occur in different aspects of life. The most common types of loss include:
Death of a Loved One: The most profound and universally recognised form of loss is the death of a family member, friend, or someone emotionally close.
Relationship Breakup or Divorce: The end of a significant relationship, whether through a breakup, divorce, or separation, involves the loss of companionship and emotional connection.
Job Loss: Losing one's job can result in financial strain, a sense of identity loss, and a disruption of routine and purpose.
Health Decline: Physical or mental health challenges can lead to a loss of well-being, independence, or a sense of normality.
Loss of a Pet: For many people, the death or separation from a beloved pet can be a significant emotional loss.
Financial Loss: Experiencing financial setbacks, such as bankruptcy or significant financial loss, can result in a loss of security and lifestyle.
Loss of a Home or Property: Natural disasters, accidents, or other circumstances can lead to the loss of one's home or property.
Loss of Independence: Aging or disability can lead to a loss of independence and the ability to perform certain activities.
Loss is an inevitable and universal aspect of the human experience. It often triggers a grief response.

​The stages of grief, as proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, include:
Denial: A refusal to accept the reality of the loss.
Anger: Feelings of frustration and helplessness that may be expressed as anger towards oneself, others, or even the situation.
Bargaining: Attempting to make deals or bargains to reverse or lessen the impact of the loss.
Depression: A deep sadness and feelings of hopelessness about the reality of the loss.
Acceptance: Coming to terms with the loss and finding a way to move forward with life.
It's important to note that not everyone goes through all of these stages, and the grieving process is not always linear. Additionally, the duration and intensity of grief can vary widely from person to person.
Grief is a natural and necessary part of the healing process, and it's essential for individuals to allow themselves the time and space to grieve in their own way.

Dual Process Model of Coping: Developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, the Dual Process Model emphasises the importance of individuals oscillating between two types of stressors: loss-oriented stressors (directly related to the loss) and restoration-oriented stressors (related to adapting to the changes resulting from the loss). Grieving individuals are seen as moving back and forth between focusing on the emotional aspects of grief and dealing with practical life changes.
Continuing Bonds Theory: This theory challenges the idea that the goal of grieving is to detach from the deceased. Instead, it suggests that people continue to have a relationship with the deceased in a symbolic or psychological way. Klass, Silverman, and Nickman are notable proponents of this theory.
Meaning-Making Model: This model, proposed by Robert Neimeyer, suggests that the process of grief involves making sense of the loss and finding meaning in it. This may involve integrating the loss into one's life story and identity.
Lois Tonkin ‘Growing around Grief’: Tonkin has this model that describes how raw the grief can feel and how that feeling may not change in size over time. Tonkin suggests that we grow around the grief within time. It may even pop up from time to time and be as raw as the day it happened. I feel this gives hope and understanding it is ok that we grieve the way we do and how we might feel strong feelings from time to time making it more normalised in the process. 

Complex grief, also known as complicated grief, is a type of grieving process that is characterised by intense and prolonged symptoms that significantly impair an individual's ability to function in daily life. Unlike typical grief, which tends to gradually diminish over time, complex grief is persistent and can be more challenging to overcome. This form of grief is often associated with a deep, enduring longing for the deceased or the loss, and the emotional pain remains severe for an extended period.
Key features of complex grief include:
Prolonged Duration: While grief is a natural and expected response to loss, complex grief persists for an extended period, often lasting six months or more, and sometimes even years.
Intense Emotional Pain: Individuals experiencing complex grief often endure intense emotional pain, including profound sadness, yearning, and feelings of emptiness or numbness.
Impaired Functioning: Complex grief can interfere significantly with an individual's ability to carry out daily activities, maintain relationships, and engage in normal life functions. It may affect work, social interactions, and overall quality of life.
Difficulty Accepting the Loss: People with complex grief may struggle to accept the reality of the loss. They may have intrusive thoughts about the deceased or the loss, making it challenging to move forward.
Preoccupation with the Deceased: Individuals experiencing complex grief may find it difficult to shift their focus away from the deceased. They may engage in behaviours such as frequent visits to places associated with the person or constant rumination about the loss.
Persistent Yearning: There is a persistent and intense desire to be reunited with the deceased, leading to ongoing feelings of emptiness and loneliness.
Negative Impact on Health: Complex grief can have physical and mental health consequences, including symptoms such as insomnia, fatigue, and, in some cases, symptoms resembling clinical depression or anxiety.
Factors that may contribute to the development of complex grief include the nature of the relationship with the deceased, the circumstances of the loss, and the individual's coping mechanisms and support system. People who experience complex grief may benefit from professional intervention such as counselling.

​Coping with loss involves navigating the grief process, seeking support, and finding ways to adapt to the changes that result from the loss.
Coping with grief and loss is a highly individualised process, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. However, here are some general strategies that may help you navigate the challenging journey of grief:
Allow Yourself to Grieve:
Acknowledge and accept your emotions. It's normal to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.
Seek Support:
Talk to friends, family, or a support group. Sharing your feelings and memories can be therapeutic. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when needed.
Take Care of Your Physical Health:
Grieving can be physically exhausting. Ensure you're getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in regular physical activity to support your overall well-being.
Be Patient with Yourself:
Grieving is a process that takes time. Allow yourself the space and time to heal, and be patient with the ups and downs of your emotions.
Express Your Feelings:
Find creative ways to express your emotions, such as through writing, art, or music. This can provide an outlet for your grief.
Create Rituals:
Establish rituals or ceremonies that honour and remember the person or thing you've lost. This can provide a sense of continuity and help with the grieving process.
Seek Professional Help:
If you find it challenging to cope on your own, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and tools to navigate the grieving process.
Maintain Routines:
While it's important to allow space for grief, maintaining some routines can provide a sense of stability and normality during a difficult time.
Memorialize and Celebrate:
Find meaningful ways to remember and celebrate the life of the person or thing you've lost. This can include creating a memorial, participating in memorial events, or carrying on traditions.
Consider Spiritual Practices:
If you have spiritual beliefs, engaging in practices that align with your beliefs can provide comfort and support.
Educate Yourself on Grief:
Understanding the grieving process and knowing that it is a natural and individualised experience can help you navigate it with greater resilience.
 
Remember, everyone experiences grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What matters is finding coping strategies that work for you and seeking support when needed. If you find that your grief is overwhelming or persistent, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional assistance.

I have been providing counselling for grief and loss for over 10 years now. Counselling can be a part of that support we might need to help process what we may have lost because maybe we have tried other things and just haven’t been able to shift the feelings and are still feeling affected by it.

When having counselling around grief and loss it may take time to explore and process it within a trusted space but we can come to a better place with it in the right way for us.
If you would like to discuss counselling for grief, loss or bereavement please get in touch via phone 075555 97600 or email [email protected]

I also have experience with people who have a life-limiting condition, family members supporting those people or who have lost someone to a life-limiting condition.
My other work has seen me support those family or friends that have lost someone by suicide.

I hope this has helped provide more information and understanding around loss and normalise some things for anyone that reads this.

What is anxiety?
We may think of anxiety as being a bad thing and it really can feel that way when we experience anxiety. Anxiety can present in so many different ways and you might find that if you experience it that it may be individual to you.
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Some symptoms of anxiety can make us emotional, make us think (cognitive symptoms) a lot about something, behave in different ways or even make us have physical symptoms. These can be normal symptoms of anxiety and we may or may not know why we are experiencing the symptoms. We may be worried about something that is going to happen or something that has happened. We may even not know why we are getting anxiety symptoms.

Physical symptoms of anxiety can include rapid heartbeat, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, muscle tension or fatigue.

Emotional symptoms can include worry, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, feeling tense, fear of losing control or feeling overwhelmed.

Behavioural symptoms can include avoiding situations, difficulty sleeping, compulsive behaviours, restlessness, seeking reassurance, social withdrawal or difficulty making decisions.

Cognitive Symptoms can include self-criticism, negative self-talk, catastrophising, difficulty concentrating, intrusive thoughts, excessive fears or overanalysing situations.
 
Types of anxiety
There are several types of anxiety that have names we can use to describe the symptoms of anxiety and use as a diagnosis. Some people are happy to use the diagnosis and others may not be and this is a personal choice. The types of anxiety are listed below with descriptions of what they may entail.

General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) people may worry excessively and have anxiety about a variety of different situations or events leading to symptoms of those anxieties.

Panic disorder can display as sudden or intense episodes of fear we can sometimes name as panic attacks presenting in physical symptoms.

Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia) can feel like fear of social situations or being judged by others so they may avoid being in these settings or around others.

Phobias are irrational fears of specific objects, situations or activities.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is when someone has intrusive and unwanted thoughts which lead to repetitive behaviour to try to alleviate the anxiety that is felt.

Separation Anxiety disorder is usually associated with children when there can be anxiety when they are temporarily separated from their caregiver or loved one.
 
Why do we have anxiety?
Anxiety is a natural defence mechanism. You may have heard the terms fight, flight and freeze. Those mechanisms are there to protect us when we need them but sometimes the anxiety displays itself when we don’t need it or it is overly active for the situations.

If we were in genuine danger then our fight mechanism would protect us with aggressive words or action to defend ourselves. Our flight mechanism would protect us by making us run away from danger. Our freeze mechanism will protect us from danger by staying still or hiding from the threat so they don’t see us.  

Sometimes our brain works in such a way that anxiety pops up more than we would like or is overactive for the situation we are in.

A simple understanding of how anxiety can present itself is explained below.
The information outside of the body comes in through the senses we have, for instance the eyes. Then parts of the brain will make what we see conscious but the information from those senses go through a part of the brain called the Amygdala which can perceive danger and may put us into anxiety if it is perceiving danger outside of the body. The Amygdala decides this milliseconds before the information becomes conscious and so sometimes we don’t know why we are anxious.

What may happen then is we start to experience the anxiety symptoms which is preparing us to fight, flight or freeze. Our front part of our brain is our logical part and our personality part, this gets shut down because we don’t need this running. If this is running while we are in anxiety it may prevent us from surviving the perceived threat.
The key to remember is this is a perceived threat as the Amygdala is using information stored from previous situations and maybe picking up on snippets of information and believing this is a threat so let us hit anxiety and actually it may not be.

If you have been around horses then you might see behaviour like fight or flight with them because their Amygdala is running to protect them. They may kick out which is their fight mechanism or they may run away which is their flight mechanism.

Some of the symptoms are preparing for the fight or flight. The heart may start to race more because we need blood at the muscles to fight or flight in a minute, we may breathe more rapidly because the body needs more oxygen for the muscles also. The diaphragm will be moving more rapidly to bring in that oxygen as this is the action for breathing. We may feel butterflies, we may want to be sick, we may feel like we need to go to the toilet or we may actually have to go.

The body knows if we can become lighter then we can use less energy which means we can fight or flight for longer so we can defend ourselves or run from the threat for longer. The only place we can be lighter quickly is our digestive system so this is why we may feel those symptoms.

In light of this information then in the right place or situations anxiety can be good for us.
 
How do I help with Anxiety? How do I control my Anxiety? How do I reduce Anxiety? What can I do about my Anxiety?
These are some of the questions we may have when we or a loved one is having anxiety and feel we have tried everything or don’t know what to do to relieve the anxiety.

Sometimes simple deep breathing can help with anxiety because what we are doing is slowing down the diaphragm and that simple action is telling the brain we don’t need to be in anxiety because we are breathing slowly so the brain starts to go back to a calm way of being.

Other things we may try is mindfulness, relaxation techniques, physical activity, healthy lifestyle habits or even trying to limit the stressors if we can. Social support might help, limiting media consumption and time management could add to things we can do to reduce anxiety.  
 
Counselling for Anxiety
Counselling can help talk about, process and relieve some of the symptoms. It can also help to build coping mechanisms or strategies to help reduce anxiety if it is affecting our daily lives.

If we are struggling with anxiety and we have tried many different things we may find talking to a counsellor can help by finding ways of helping to reduce the symptoms. I tend to think if we have a space we can offload things in a counselling session then this can start to alleviate symptoms because people that are close to us try and help and in some cases this doesn’t always work for us.

We all come across anxiety at some stage in our lives and it was one of my reasons to become a counsellor and help others with their anxiety because I found counselling helped my anxiety.

I can provide counselling sessions online, on the telephone or in person. I am based in Somerset, UK but I do also provide counselling across the UK and Europe. I see adults and young people from age 10 and up. In Somerset I am providing counselling local to Bridgwater, Burnham-on-Sea, Glastonbury, Taunton, the Somerset Levels and Weston-Super-Mare. 

You can see my qualifications and experience on my website or if you would like to discuss booking or more about what I offer then please don’t hesitate to get in contact with me via phone, email or WhatsApp.

I hope this has helped to provide a bit more understanding around anxiety.

Since the UK lockdown in March 2020 with the social distancing and isolation of people throughout the UK it has become difficult for a lot of people. It seems to be a lot of us are in similar positions to each other and I have heard people talk about it as though we are all in the same storm but riding the storm in different boats from each other. I think this is very true and we are all in different types of boats and being affected in different ways but there are similarities in what is crashing against us. There is some reassurance sometimes that others are dealing with similar circumstances but also we can feel so alone in this, it is like a succession of waves one after another with huge waves appearing from nowhere sometimes. 

I think it is really important we are processing our feelings around what is going on for us at this time. For those of us that are used to seeing people face to face and having touch between them and others can find this can be such a hard time not to have that regular touch we are used to. 

To also be able to fill the time we all have or don't have to keep going and feel in a good place can be difficult to sustain. Sometimes being around people or not being around people that we usually are can affect us as we would usually have our own space or be less lonely at certain times of the day. 

This is such a complex time in our life... and it is hard to even touch on everything that might be going on for us. 

I have always provided and offered an option to have online or telephone counselling in the UK. From my experience people do prefer face to face counselling but to be able to offer online video counselling or telephone counselling for people can help those that aren't able to get to somewhere although they feel that the counsellor they have found would be the one that could support them through that thing they are going through or have been through. Counsellor can be personal and those people searching for the right counsellor tend to have a sixth sense that identifies a counsellor that they feel safe to talk to, sometimes it is having a chat with the counsellor that secures the instinct on picking the right one.

Online counselling or telephone counselling can be quite strange the first time you do this as it is something most people aren't used to. It can be easier for those that have been used to working using video calls/telephone or using them in their personal life anyway. I tend to talk through with people how affective it can be and all the things that we may need to consider while providing counselling in this method. Usually when someone has built the trust and got comfortable with online or telephone counselling then they usually do amazingly well and sometimes find it a lot easier to process something compared to being in the room with a counsellor. We can discuss the anxiety you might face when thinking about doing counselling in this way and work out what you can do to reduce that so we can focus on the stuff you came here to do. 

I think in the current circumstances thinking about and doing some online or telephone counselling can be that support that can help right now until things change and people are able to start to travel to see a counsellor again. Until then finding a counsellor that provides support virtually or remotely is the better alternative. 

I hope this helps you and if you feel you want to discuss anything then please do contact me. 
 If you are looking for someone to talk to about anything and processing feelings and emotions the please contact me on 
email: [email protected] 
Tel: 075555 97 600 
You can also find out more about me and my practice by clicking on About Me


If it is out of hours and you need to talk to someone give Mindline Somerset a Call 01823 276 892 -  Or The Samaritans on 116123​

I found this report really interesting regarding pain and when people may feel pain more. Pain can be hard to deal with and it is great that people are researching how and when pain might be worse and why. I see people that experience pain and we talk about it and try to process about it but this shows that research might explain why things can sometimes feel worse. Take a look at this report for more information, link below. Comment below if you have anything to say about pain.

If you are looking for someone to talk to about anything and processing feelings and emotions the please contact me on
email: [email protected] 
Tel: 075555 97 600 
You can also find out more about me and my practice by clicking on About Me
​www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-50151723

If it is out of hours and you need to talk to someone give Mindline Somerset a Call 01823 276 892 - Open Tues, Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun (8pm-11pm) Or The Samaritans on 116123​