What is Grief, Loss & Bereavement and how to support myself

 

I have written this around Grief, Loss and Bereavement as we all experience some kind of loss at stages through our lives and sometimes we need support around it.
I know I have been through lots of different losses and sought my own counselling and support for some of them.
Depending on the type of loss I have gone through there have been times when I have been able to cope, experience the feelings and process the loss with friends and family around. Other times that just wasn’t enough and needed my own space and time with someone not connected to me or the person I have lost. It enabled me to be able to be as open as I could and no need to worry about what the other person was going to say or have their own feelings affected from my true thoughts and feelings due to the losses. This meant for me that I could move through the grief and feelings with someone alongside me rather than to try and do it on my own and make sense of the feelings. It also helped to reduce the feelings of guilt to some of the feelings and thoughts I had around losing someone or something.
Some of the below information you might have read before but you might also gain some  insight to other information around grief as I have tried to include some useful parts of grief that can happen and can help us move through grief. 

What is Grief

​Grief is a natural and complex emotional response to loss. It is the intense sorrow, deep distress, and emotional suffering that individuals experience when they lose someone or something significant to them. While we often associate grief with the death of a loved one, it can also be triggered by other types of losses, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or a major life change.
Grief is a highly individual process, and people may experience it in different ways. The grieving process can encompass a range of emotions.

What is Bereavement

​Bereavement refers to the period of grief and mourning after the death of a loved one. It is the state of having suffered a loss, particularly through death. Bereavement encompasses the complex range of emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that individuals experience as they cope with the reality of the death and its aftermath.
Bereavement can also involve practical aspects such as making funeral arrangements, dealing with legal matters, and adjusting to the changes in daily life that result from the loss. Additionally, individuals may grapple with existential and spiritual questions as they come to terms with the meaning and impact of the death.

WHAT IS Loss

​Loss refers to the experience of being deprived of something or someone valuable or significant. It can take various forms and occur in different aspects of life. The most common types of loss include:
Death of a Loved One: The most profound and universally recognised form of loss is the death of a family member, friend, or someone emotionally close.
Relationship Breakup or Divorce: The end of a significant relationship, whether through a breakup, divorce, or separation, involves the loss of companionship and emotional connection.
Job Loss: Losing one's job can result in financial strain, a sense of identity loss, and a disruption of routine and purpose.
Health Decline: Physical or mental health challenges can lead to a loss of well-being, independence, or a sense of normality.
Loss of a Pet: For many people, the death or separation from a beloved pet can be a significant emotional loss.
Financial Loss: Experiencing financial setbacks, such as bankruptcy or significant financial loss, can result in a loss of security and lifestyle.
Loss of a Home or Property: Natural disasters, accidents, or other circumstances can lead to the loss of one's home or property.
Loss of Independence: Aging or disability can lead to a loss of independence and the ability to perform certain activities.
Loss is an inevitable and universal aspect of the human experience. It often triggers a grief response.

Stages of Grief
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​The stages of grief, as proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, include:
Denial: A refusal to accept the reality of the loss.
Anger: Feelings of frustration and helplessness that may be expressed as anger towards oneself, others, or even the situation.
Bargaining: Attempting to make deals or bargains to reverse or lessen the impact of the loss.
Depression: A deep sadness and feelings of hopelessness about the reality of the loss.
Acceptance: Coming to terms with the loss and finding a way to move forward with life.
It's important to note that not everyone goes through all of these stages, and the grieving process is not always linear. Additionally, the duration and intensity of grief can vary widely from person to person.
Grief is a natural and necessary part of the healing process, and it's essential for individuals to allow themselves the time and space to grieve in their own way.

Other theories around grief include:

Dual Process Model of Coping: Developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, the Dual Process Model emphasises the importance of individuals oscillating between two types of stressors: loss-oriented stressors (directly related to the loss) and restoration-oriented stressors (related to adapting to the changes resulting from the loss). Grieving individuals are seen as moving back and forth between focusing on the emotional aspects of grief and dealing with practical life changes.
Continuing Bonds Theory: This theory challenges the idea that the goal of grieving is to detach from the deceased. Instead, it suggests that people continue to have a relationship with the deceased in a symbolic or psychological way. Klass, Silverman, and Nickman are notable proponents of this theory.
Meaning-Making Model: This model, proposed by Robert Neimeyer, suggests that the process of grief involves making sense of the loss and finding meaning in it. This may involve integrating the loss into one's life story and identity.
Lois Tonkin ‘Growing around Grief’: Tonkin has this model that describes how raw the grief can feel and how that feeling may not change in size over time. Tonkin suggests that we grow around the grief within time. It may even pop up from time to time and be as raw as the day it happened. I feel this gives hope and understanding it is ok that we grieve the way we do and how we might feel strong feelings from time to time making it more normalised in the process. 

Complex grief
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Complex grief, also known as complicated grief, is a type of grieving process that is characterised by intense and prolonged symptoms that significantly impair an individual's ability to function in daily life. Unlike typical grief, which tends to gradually diminish over time, complex grief is persistent and can be more challenging to overcome. This form of grief is often associated with a deep, enduring longing for the deceased or the loss, and the emotional pain remains severe for an extended period.
Key features of complex grief include:
Prolonged Duration: While grief is a natural and expected response to loss, complex grief persists for an extended period, often lasting six months or more, and sometimes even years.
Intense Emotional Pain: Individuals experiencing complex grief often endure intense emotional pain, including profound sadness, yearning, and feelings of emptiness or numbness.
Impaired Functioning: Complex grief can interfere significantly with an individual's ability to carry out daily activities, maintain relationships, and engage in normal life functions. It may affect work, social interactions, and overall quality of life.
Difficulty Accepting the Loss: People with complex grief may struggle to accept the reality of the loss. They may have intrusive thoughts about the deceased or the loss, making it challenging to move forward.
Preoccupation with the Deceased: Individuals experiencing complex grief may find it difficult to shift their focus away from the deceased. They may engage in behaviours such as frequent visits to places associated with the person or constant rumination about the loss.
Persistent Yearning: There is a persistent and intense desire to be reunited with the deceased, leading to ongoing feelings of emptiness and loneliness.
Negative Impact on Health: Complex grief can have physical and mental health consequences, including symptoms such as insomnia, fatigue, and, in some cases, symptoms resembling clinical depression or anxiety.
Factors that may contribute to the development of complex grief include the nature of the relationship with the deceased, the circumstances of the loss, and the individual's coping mechanisms and support system. People who experience complex grief may benefit from professional intervention such as counselling.

How do I help with Grief and Loss? What can I do about my grief and loss? 
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​Coping with loss involves navigating the grief process, seeking support, and finding ways to adapt to the changes that result from the loss.
Coping with grief and loss is a highly individualised process, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. However, here are some general strategies that may help you navigate the challenging journey of grief:
Allow Yourself to Grieve:
Acknowledge and accept your emotions. It's normal to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.
Seek Support:
Talk to friends, family, or a support group. Sharing your feelings and memories can be therapeutic. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when needed.
Take Care of Your Physical Health:
Grieving can be physically exhausting. Ensure you're getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in regular physical activity to support your overall well-being.
Be Patient with Yourself:
Grieving is a process that takes time. Allow yourself the space and time to heal, and be patient with the ups and downs of your emotions.
Express Your Feelings:
Find creative ways to express your emotions, such as through writing, art, or music. This can provide an outlet for your grief.
Create Rituals:
Establish rituals or ceremonies that honour and remember the person or thing you've lost. This can provide a sense of continuity and help with the grieving process.
Seek Professional Help:
If you find it challenging to cope on your own, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and tools to navigate the grieving process.
Maintain Routines:
While it's important to allow space for grief, maintaining some routines can provide a sense of stability and normality during a difficult time.
Memorialize and Celebrate:
Find meaningful ways to remember and celebrate the life of the person or thing you've lost. This can include creating a memorial, participating in memorial events, or carrying on traditions.
Consider Spiritual Practices:
If you have spiritual beliefs, engaging in practices that align with your beliefs can provide comfort and support.
Educate Yourself on Grief:
Understanding the grieving process and knowing that it is a natural and individualised experience can help you navigate it with greater resilience.
 
Remember, everyone experiences grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What matters is finding coping strategies that work for you and seeking support when needed. If you find that your grief is overwhelming or persistent, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional assistance.

Counselling for Grief, Loss or bereavement
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I have been providing counselling for grief and loss for over 10 years now. Counselling can be a part of that support we might need to help process what we may have lost because maybe we have tried other things and just haven’t been able to shift the feelings and are still feeling affected by it.

When having counselling around grief and loss it may take time to explore and process it within a trusted space but we can come to a better place with it in the right way for us.
If you would like to discuss counselling for grief, loss or bereavement please get in touch via phone 075555 97600 or email [email protected]

I also have experience with people who have a life-limiting condition, family members supporting those people or who have lost someone to a life-limiting condition.
My other work has seen me support those family or friends that have lost someone by suicide.

I hope this has helped provide more information and understanding around loss and normalise some things for anyone that reads this.