We may have never had anything wrong with us before but then start to get physical sensations that occur and they might come from nowhere.
We may have been dealing with things fine and suddenly our body is having a reaction to something or we are feeling overwhelmed by emotions or physical symptoms and we don’t know why.

We may have started having such strong physical symptoms that we think there must be something wrong with us and think we might be dying because of what we are feeling physically.
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Physical symptoms and panic attacks can be worrying and scary because we may not know what it is or why this has started. We may not think we are stressed, or know that we are stressed, or think that we have been dealing with the stresses quite well up until now.

I always say to people we definitely need to get things checked out with our doctor (General Practitioner) or if it feels a lot more serious at the time is to either consult emergency services or go to the hospital to rule out anything that could be more serious. Some of the symptoms we might experience could be anxiety/panic attacks but it could also be something that a medical professional needs to diagnose and treat.
This is because the symptoms we might experience also can identify other conditions that may need to be treated by medication. I think that is one of the worries we may have sometimes when we start to experience the symptoms, not knowing what is causing this and I didn’t have this before.

It was one of the main reasons I became a counsellor was due to having physical symptoms from my body. Sometimes it was low-level symptoms and I could go about my day and work and it would affect me but I could still do my job. Other days I would be on the floor from the symptoms and just not able to get up at all and then other days would be somewhere on the spectrum between those places. There would even be some days where I wouldn’t feel the effects of the physical symptoms at all. Those days would be great because I could do whatever I needed to do and not feel the effects but sometimes I would worry if something was just going to come on and not know when or if.

There are so many symptoms we might experience while feeling them physically and I want to say it is all individual and you or someone you may know may have other things that are on the below list.  
Dizziness / Tiredness / a noticeably strong, fast or irregular heartbeat (palpitations) / muscle aches and tension / chest pain / trembling or shaking / dry mouth / excessive sweating / hot flushes / chills / shortness of breath / a choking sensation / stomach ache / a churning stomach / feeling sick / headache / pins and needles / difficulty falling or staying asleep / a tingling in your fingers / feeling like you're not connected to your body

​Panic attacks may have similar symptoms but may be more intense. It may last for a short period of time or even longer in some cases. We may feel a fear, apprehension and anxiety in these moments. Some people may experience them once or twice a month and some may experience them several times a week.
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There might be a build-up to the attack or they may just come out of nowhere so we might know why we are experiencing them or may be confused about why this might be happening to us. A panic attack definitely can feel very frightening and distressing.
Sometimes the hard things around physical symptoms and panic attacks can be what other people are thinking about us. Whether it is the thoughts that others think we are making it up or the embarrassment of what symptoms we are showing and not being able to change them or reduce them and then other people seeing us like that. This can sometimes increase the symptoms of the panic attacks or anxiety and just because we are used to having them so we think it is just going to happen again. I know I would feel worried that a panic attack was going to come on sometimes because I had something in the diary that could cause a panic attack. I would also worry that people I knew or worked with couldn’t understand why or even felt like people didn’t believe me and sometimes it would be hard to prove due to the symptoms.

As I mentioned my panic attacks I had years ago is what started me out into becoming a counsellor and helping others. I started getting them when there was a lot going on in my home life and in my work life and I thought I was able to deal with everything and just keep going. I could usually deal with stresses but at this time there were multiple stress factors some small some big and I was trying to deal with them all because I would have been able to before. I think I would have been able to deal with a couple of big stress factors but because there were multiple then my mind and body wasn’t coping. I wasn’t listening to it then.

There were moments with my physical symptoms that they would be so extreme I really thought I was dying. I remember times when I would get up in the night and thought I was dying needed to use the toilet and just collapsed on the way there. Other times the pains and symptoms were so bad I had to get an ambulance and other times I actually needed to go to the hospital to rule out anything. Looking back at it now after a while and maybe some reassurance my body would stop reacting physically and it would subside but I would feel physically and mentally exhausted from it.
I wasn’t able to go to work for a period of time and so there were multiple stresses and anxiety that came from that.

What do others think? Am I going to be able to get back to work? Are they missing something? Is there something wrong with me?  
When we are going through it I think we will think these things and maybe other questions.

What eventually helped me was going to see a counsellor and talking about it. I didn’t think it was going to work but I was in a place where I had tried everything else and the doctors are saying there is nothing physically wrong with me. They would say it is anxiety and stress related. I didn’t believe them at the time, I couldn’t understand how stress and anxiety could do this to my body.

I had some counselling and it started to reduce my symptoms and my panic attacks started to get a lot less and further between them. I eventually was then able to go back to work as well. It wasn’t like a magic pill that changed it although sometimes medication from the GP can help some people reduce symptoms while having talking therapies. Once we feel we are in a better place with counselling we can always consult our doctor in reducing or coming off the medication completely.

For me I very rarely get panic attacks now. I can’t remember the last time I had one. I sometimes get physical symptoms which I now see as my body as just trying to make me aware of something I may have not noticed. With counselling over time it has allowed me and taught me to listen to my body a bit more. How I have experienced physical symptoms has taught me that if I don’t listen to my feelings then they will present in my body as a physical symptom to make me aware that something is there.

If I don’t take notice of that physical symptom then the physical symptom will get louder and become more painful or produce another symptom to try and get my attention. If I ignore that or try and ignore that then it will ‘shout’ even louder. If I then ignore that then I could find myself flat on the ground where my body is trying to say to me you need to stop and take notice. I think looking back at it now my body back then was going you need to take a break and stop trying to do things otherwise I am going to make you physically collapse.

So for me it was a build-up and I didn’t notice it because I just thought I was a machine and I can deal with it.

As I mentioned we might need someone going alongside us like a counsellor to hear how it is and help us to start to listen to the signals in our body and eventually, they get less and less and we start to hear our feelings before they become something bigger.

I suppose it is a bit like those senses we have in our cars or in our homes sometimes. We will get the warning lights about things like we need to service the car, or we need to top up the oil, or check the tyres, or check something else with the engine. If we ignore them then maybe another sensor comes on like the orange engine light. If we ignore that for long enough and don’t do anything then the red engine light might come on. If we then ignore that then the car may stop completely and so we definitely have to listen to it because we then need to find out what the warning lights were trying to tell us. A bit like when I was collapsing some days with my physical symptoms.

I hope you have found this information useful and you can relate to some of the things discussed above. Physical symptoms can definitely reduce in some way, I didn’t think they would when I was experiencing them myself but I can say now that they definitely do with help and support.

If you or someone you know are experiencing physical symptoms or panic attacks and feel some counselling would help them manage it better then please do get in touch and we can have a conversation or a consultation.

You can contact me
by phoning 075555 97 600,
​email [email protected] or through my website. ​

I have written this around Grief, Loss and Bereavement as we all experience some kind of loss at stages through our lives and sometimes we need support around it.
I know I have been through lots of different losses and sought my own counselling and support for some of them.
Depending on the type of loss I have gone through there have been times when I have been able to cope, experience the feelings and process the loss with friends and family around. Other times that just wasn’t enough and needed my own space and time with someone not connected to me or the person I have lost. It enabled me to be able to be as open as I could and no need to worry about what the other person was going to say or have their own feelings affected from my true thoughts and feelings due to the losses. This meant for me that I could move through the grief and feelings with someone alongside me rather than to try and do it on my own and make sense of the feelings. It also helped to reduce the feelings of guilt to some of the feelings and thoughts I had around losing someone or something.
Some of the below information you might have read before but you might also gain some  insight to other information around grief as I have tried to include some useful parts of grief that can happen and can help us move through grief. 

​Grief is a natural and complex emotional response to loss. It is the intense sorrow, deep distress, and emotional suffering that individuals experience when they lose someone or something significant to them. While we often associate grief with the death of a loved one, it can also be triggered by other types of losses, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or a major life change.
Grief is a highly individual process, and people may experience it in different ways. The grieving process can encompass a range of emotions.

​Bereavement refers to the period of grief and mourning after the death of a loved one. It is the state of having suffered a loss, particularly through death. Bereavement encompasses the complex range of emotions, thoughts, and behaviours that individuals experience as they cope with the reality of the death and its aftermath.
Bereavement can also involve practical aspects such as making funeral arrangements, dealing with legal matters, and adjusting to the changes in daily life that result from the loss. Additionally, individuals may grapple with existential and spiritual questions as they come to terms with the meaning and impact of the death.

​Loss refers to the experience of being deprived of something or someone valuable or significant. It can take various forms and occur in different aspects of life. The most common types of loss include:
Death of a Loved One: The most profound and universally recognised form of loss is the death of a family member, friend, or someone emotionally close.
Relationship Breakup or Divorce: The end of a significant relationship, whether through a breakup, divorce, or separation, involves the loss of companionship and emotional connection.
Job Loss: Losing one's job can result in financial strain, a sense of identity loss, and a disruption of routine and purpose.
Health Decline: Physical or mental health challenges can lead to a loss of well-being, independence, or a sense of normality.
Loss of a Pet: For many people, the death or separation from a beloved pet can be a significant emotional loss.
Financial Loss: Experiencing financial setbacks, such as bankruptcy or significant financial loss, can result in a loss of security and lifestyle.
Loss of a Home or Property: Natural disasters, accidents, or other circumstances can lead to the loss of one's home or property.
Loss of Independence: Aging or disability can lead to a loss of independence and the ability to perform certain activities.
Loss is an inevitable and universal aspect of the human experience. It often triggers a grief response.

​The stages of grief, as proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, include:
Denial: A refusal to accept the reality of the loss.
Anger: Feelings of frustration and helplessness that may be expressed as anger towards oneself, others, or even the situation.
Bargaining: Attempting to make deals or bargains to reverse or lessen the impact of the loss.
Depression: A deep sadness and feelings of hopelessness about the reality of the loss.
Acceptance: Coming to terms with the loss and finding a way to move forward with life.
It's important to note that not everyone goes through all of these stages, and the grieving process is not always linear. Additionally, the duration and intensity of grief can vary widely from person to person.
Grief is a natural and necessary part of the healing process, and it's essential for individuals to allow themselves the time and space to grieve in their own way.

Dual Process Model of Coping: Developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, the Dual Process Model emphasises the importance of individuals oscillating between two types of stressors: loss-oriented stressors (directly related to the loss) and restoration-oriented stressors (related to adapting to the changes resulting from the loss). Grieving individuals are seen as moving back and forth between focusing on the emotional aspects of grief and dealing with practical life changes.
Continuing Bonds Theory: This theory challenges the idea that the goal of grieving is to detach from the deceased. Instead, it suggests that people continue to have a relationship with the deceased in a symbolic or psychological way. Klass, Silverman, and Nickman are notable proponents of this theory.
Meaning-Making Model: This model, proposed by Robert Neimeyer, suggests that the process of grief involves making sense of the loss and finding meaning in it. This may involve integrating the loss into one's life story and identity.
Lois Tonkin ‘Growing around Grief’: Tonkin has this model that describes how raw the grief can feel and how that feeling may not change in size over time. Tonkin suggests that we grow around the grief within time. It may even pop up from time to time and be as raw as the day it happened. I feel this gives hope and understanding it is ok that we grieve the way we do and how we might feel strong feelings from time to time making it more normalised in the process. 

Complex grief, also known as complicated grief, is a type of grieving process that is characterised by intense and prolonged symptoms that significantly impair an individual's ability to function in daily life. Unlike typical grief, which tends to gradually diminish over time, complex grief is persistent and can be more challenging to overcome. This form of grief is often associated with a deep, enduring longing for the deceased or the loss, and the emotional pain remains severe for an extended period.
Key features of complex grief include:
Prolonged Duration: While grief is a natural and expected response to loss, complex grief persists for an extended period, often lasting six months or more, and sometimes even years.
Intense Emotional Pain: Individuals experiencing complex grief often endure intense emotional pain, including profound sadness, yearning, and feelings of emptiness or numbness.
Impaired Functioning: Complex grief can interfere significantly with an individual's ability to carry out daily activities, maintain relationships, and engage in normal life functions. It may affect work, social interactions, and overall quality of life.
Difficulty Accepting the Loss: People with complex grief may struggle to accept the reality of the loss. They may have intrusive thoughts about the deceased or the loss, making it challenging to move forward.
Preoccupation with the Deceased: Individuals experiencing complex grief may find it difficult to shift their focus away from the deceased. They may engage in behaviours such as frequent visits to places associated with the person or constant rumination about the loss.
Persistent Yearning: There is a persistent and intense desire to be reunited with the deceased, leading to ongoing feelings of emptiness and loneliness.
Negative Impact on Health: Complex grief can have physical and mental health consequences, including symptoms such as insomnia, fatigue, and, in some cases, symptoms resembling clinical depression or anxiety.
Factors that may contribute to the development of complex grief include the nature of the relationship with the deceased, the circumstances of the loss, and the individual's coping mechanisms and support system. People who experience complex grief may benefit from professional intervention such as counselling.

​Coping with loss involves navigating the grief process, seeking support, and finding ways to adapt to the changes that result from the loss.
Coping with grief and loss is a highly individualised process, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. However, here are some general strategies that may help you navigate the challenging journey of grief:
Allow Yourself to Grieve:
Acknowledge and accept your emotions. It's normal to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.
Seek Support:
Talk to friends, family, or a support group. Sharing your feelings and memories can be therapeutic. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when needed.
Take Care of Your Physical Health:
Grieving can be physically exhausting. Ensure you're getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in regular physical activity to support your overall well-being.
Be Patient with Yourself:
Grieving is a process that takes time. Allow yourself the space and time to heal, and be patient with the ups and downs of your emotions.
Express Your Feelings:
Find creative ways to express your emotions, such as through writing, art, or music. This can provide an outlet for your grief.
Create Rituals:
Establish rituals or ceremonies that honour and remember the person or thing you've lost. This can provide a sense of continuity and help with the grieving process.
Seek Professional Help:
If you find it challenging to cope on your own, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and tools to navigate the grieving process.
Maintain Routines:
While it's important to allow space for grief, maintaining some routines can provide a sense of stability and normality during a difficult time.
Memorialize and Celebrate:
Find meaningful ways to remember and celebrate the life of the person or thing you've lost. This can include creating a memorial, participating in memorial events, or carrying on traditions.
Consider Spiritual Practices:
If you have spiritual beliefs, engaging in practices that align with your beliefs can provide comfort and support.
Educate Yourself on Grief:
Understanding the grieving process and knowing that it is a natural and individualised experience can help you navigate it with greater resilience.
 
Remember, everyone experiences grief differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What matters is finding coping strategies that work for you and seeking support when needed. If you find that your grief is overwhelming or persistent, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional assistance.

I have been providing counselling for grief and loss for over 10 years now. Counselling can be a part of that support we might need to help process what we may have lost because maybe we have tried other things and just haven’t been able to shift the feelings and are still feeling affected by it.

When having counselling around grief and loss it may take time to explore and process it within a trusted space but we can come to a better place with it in the right way for us.
If you would like to discuss counselling for grief, loss or bereavement please get in touch via phone 075555 97600 or email [email protected]

I also have experience with people who have a life-limiting condition, family members supporting those people or who have lost someone to a life-limiting condition.
My other work has seen me support those family or friends that have lost someone by suicide.

I hope this has helped provide more information and understanding around loss and normalise some things for anyone that reads this.